St. Ingvar's Center for Norwegian Healing Mysteries

St.Ingvar's WellnessPrograms

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The St. Ingvar Center offers many learning opportunities for the novice as well as the experienced student. After a short instructional program or an affordable correspondence course, you too can be certified to apply genuine Norwegian healing techniques to friends, family, co-workers, paying clients, or simply enrich your own sickly existence.


Acupummelling

Much like it's Eastern counterparts, Norwegian acupummelling works by stimulating chi points about the patient's head and shoulders. Unlike acupuncture, the patient doesn't need dozens of repeat visits! One visit does the trick!

pummelling diagram
Note: individual results may vary


Spinal Massage

Oftentimes confused with Norwegian chiropracty, Norwegian spinal massage is characterized by the application of the sensu-2x4 to the full length of the patient's central nervous system, typically paying extra special attention to the brain stem.


Cleansing Your System of Toxins

Most feelings of sluggishness and ennui are caused by a buildup of toxins in your system. These toxins coagulate in your saliva glands, where they fester in their own poison. Every day you should perform a complete spit purge, evacuating at least a quart of saliva.

For patients with particularly anemic spit, the only alternative is typically the


Sensitivity Training

Like most Americans you probably suffer from the delusion that your feelings are somehow important. If feelings had any inherent value, then we would all be on crack and enjoying the best feelings human brain chemistry can endure. During the St. Ingvar sensitiviy training course we will help you develop a protective emotional skin, so you can remain dignified and dispassionate, even while we tell you exactly what we think of you.


Anger Management

Do you often find yourself punching innanimate objects? Do you grind your teeth? Odds are that despite these symptoms you aren't angry enough. Try this exercise. Pick up a mainstream newspaper. They are virtually interchangeable, so any will do. Read a few articles. Is a politician quoted telling an obvious lie? Is there a war going on? Is Halliburton making a huge profit off that war? Is an asinine spectacle reported as news? Keep reading until you're good and angry.

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